The moment is etched in my memory. Standing outside on the sidewalk, phone pressed to my ear, squinting at a street sign to remember where I lived. Not because I'd just moved, but because stress had literally wiped my memory clean. The collections agent waited patiently while I, Steve Berlack, a grown man, had to rediscover my own address.

Divorce can create a perfect storm of stress that few discuss openly. For many men over 40, the financial devastation alone can be crippling. When child support claims half your gross pay, the domino effect is swift and merciless: lost homes, repossessed cars, and the humbling transition to rented rooms or worse.

But the psychological impact runs deeper than the financial one. The sense of failure in both marriage and fatherhood creates a toxic cognitive load. Your mind becomes so preoccupied with survival and processing loss that basic functions begin to falter.

Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory ranks divorce as the second most stressful life event, just behind the death of a spouse. Add financial hardship, identity loss, and disrupted parenting to the mix, and you have a recipe for cognitive overload that can manifest in surprising ways—like forgetting where you live.

Dr. Robert Sapolsky, a Stanford neurobiologist, explains how chronic stress actually damages the hippocampus, the brain region responsible for memory formation. "Prolonged stress doesn't just make you feel bad," he writes in his book "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers," "it physically changes your brain in ways that impair cognitive function."

This isn't weakness—it's neurobiology. When your system is flooded with cortisol (the stress hormone) for months on end, your brain physically adapts in ways that prioritize survival over normal functioning.

For men going through divorce, this stress can manifest in numerous ways:

• Memory lapses (like forgetting your address)

• Difficulty concentrating at work

• Sleep disruption

• Physical symptoms like digestive issues or headaches

• Emotional numbness or unexpected emotional outbursts

And yet, despite the prevalence of these experiences, many men suffer in silence, believing they should be "strong enough" to handle the pressure without showing cracks.

The reality, according to psychologist Dr. Terry Real, is that men are often taught to internalize stress rather than process it. "Men are raised to hide vulnerability," he explains, "which makes stress-related symptoms feel like personal failures rather than normal responses to abnormal circumstances."

The rent for my room took 80% of what remained after child support. I was angry. Frustrated. Every day was an exercise in survival, with no breathing room for recovery. The constant cognitive load meant my brain was in perpetual fight-or-flight mode, leaving little capacity for normal memory function.

When that collections call came, my brain simply couldn't access information that should have been automatic. It wasn't early-onset dementia or a character flaw—it was my nervous system screaming that it had reached capacity.

The path through divorce-related stress isn't about eliminating it completely—it's about developing resilience and recovery strategies that prevent it from hijacking your brain and your life.

The day I forgot my address became a turning point. It showed me I couldn't simply power through—I needed a systematic approach to managing the unprecedented stress in my life. By acknowledging the problem and developing specific strategies to address it, I gradually reclaimed not just my memory, but my sense of agency in a chaotic time.

Remember: forgetting your address doesn't mean you're falling apart—it means you're carrying too much. And you don't have to carry it alone.