"I just stand there among them silently... They walk right past me... And silently I realize that their noise is so far away." — Steve Berlack, "Far Away"

You know this feeling. You're standing in a crowded room, but you might as well be on Mars. Your kids are talking, your friends are laughing, life is happening all around you – but somehow, it all feels like it's happening to someone else. As I wrote in the poem quoted above, it's like being in a tunnel where everything seems "so far away" – your dreams, your thoughts, your family, your purpose.

If you're a divorced man over 40, this feeling of being disconnected from your own life isn't just common – it's almost inevitable. That sense of looking at your life and finding "nothing" there, just a feeling of "not there" in the pit of your stomach and corner of your mind.

The Science Behind Feeling "Far Away"

Research from Harvard Medical School shows that major life transitions like divorce can trigger a psychological defense mechanism called dissociation – literally feeling disconnected from your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. Dr. Judith Herman, a leading trauma researcher, explains that this "emotional anesthesia" is actually adaptive in the short term, helping us function when we're overwhelmed.

But here's the catch: what starts as protection can become a prison. When we stay disconnected too long, we lose touch with what actually matters to us. Our dreams become fuzzy outlines. Our relationships feel hollow. Our sense of purpose seems to evaporate.

Actor and director Mel Gibson spoke candidly about this experience during his highly publicized divorce in 2009, describing feeling like he was "watching his life happen to someone else" and struggling to reconnect with his children and career passions.

Why Men Over 40 Get Stuck in the "Far Away" Zone

There's something particularly brutal about going through divorce after 40. Society expects us to have our act together by now. We're supposed to be the stable ones, the providers, the ones who've figured it out. When that identity crumbles, the disconnection can feel total.

You find yourself straining to see the details of your dreams, your desires, your purpose – "I know they're there! They were so clear just a minute ago" – but somehow you "just can't see them" anymore. You can see their outlines, teasing you, but the clarity is gone.

Add to that the practical realities – splitting custody, dividing assets, potentially starting over financially – and it's no wonder everything feels surreal. You're not just grieving the end of a marriage; you're grieving the future you thought you'd have.

The Path Back to "Here"

The good news? That feeling of everything being "far away" isn't permanent. It's actually information – your psyche telling you it's time to rebuild your connection to yourself and your life. The key is understanding that reconnection doesn't happen overnight. It happens one small, intentional step at a time.

When you feel like you're "just drifting in this tunnel, unseen, unheard, disconnected," remember that tunnels have exits. The wind that feels like it's blasting through your life right now? It's actually movement – and movement means you're not stuck forever.

The Journey Back to Yourself

Remember, feeling "far away" from your life isn't a character flaw – it's a temporary state that signals you're ready for transformation. Every man who has rebuilt a meaningful life after divorce has stood exactly where you're standing now, wondering if he'll ever feel connected to his dreams, his purpose, his people again.

The answer is yes. But it starts with taking one small step closer to the life that's waiting for you – not the one you lost, but the one you're meant to build.

Your dreams, your relationships, your purpose – they're not as far away as they seem. They're just waiting for you to bridge the gap, one intentional choice at a time.