You're standing at the starting line of your post-divorce life. Maybe you're staring at a courtroom settlement. Maybe you're in a new apartment that doesn't feel like home. Maybe you're watching your kids drive away with your ex for the weekend.

And somewhere in your head, a voice whispers: "There's no way you can do this."

That voice? That's your real opponent.

Let me tell you about Anthony Robles.

THE WRESTLER WITH ONE LEG

In 2011, Anthony Robles stood on the championship podium at the NCAA Division I wrestling finals. Crutches under his arms. A national title around his neck. The 125-pound champion of the entire country.

Someone wins that title every year. What made Anthony's victory extraordinary? He was born without a right leg.

Think about that for a moment. Wrestling demands explosive power from both legs. It requires balance, leverage, and the ability to defend against attacks from any angle. Coaches spend years teaching proper stance and footwork. Anthony had to rewrite all of that.

But here's what really stopped me when I read his story: the toughest battles Anthony faced weren't on the mat. According to reports from ESPN and The Arizona Republic following his championship win, his biggest opponent was the doubt that lived in his own head. The voice that said he couldn't compete at the highest level. The internal wrestling match that happened every single day before he ever stepped onto the mat.

When he defeated defending champion Matt McDonough of Iowa for that title, he conquered an opponent he'd been fighting his entire life: himself.

WHY THIS MATTERS TO YOU

You're fighting that same opponent right now.

The voice in your head telling you that you're too old to start over. That you've lost too much. That your best years are behind you. That your kids will resent you. That no woman will want a divorced man over 40 with baggage. That you should just accept a diminished version of your life.

That voice has been with you since the divorce papers were filed. Maybe longer.

That voice isn't telling you the truth. It's telling you the story that keeps you safe from trying. From risking another failure. From putting yourself out there again.

Anthony Robles proved something profound. Your limitations—real as they are—don't determine your ceiling. Your belief about those limitations does.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR

When Anthony won that NCAA title, he proved something to himself. That the voice of doubt was a liar. That his determination could overcome circumstances that seemed insurmountable. He showed the doubters who said a one-legged wrestler couldn't compete that they were wrong.

You have your own championship to win. Maybe it's rebuilding a relationship with your kids. Maybe it's launching a new career. Maybe it's getting back in shape. Maybe it's dating again with confidence. Maybe it's simply believing you deserve a second chapter that's better than the first.

But you'll never win that championship if you keep listening to your biggest opponent—the voice in your head telling you to stay down.

I've worked with hundreds of men over 40 navigating divorce. You know what separates the ones who rise above their circumstances from the ones who stay stuck? It has nothing to do with how bad their divorce was. Nothing to do with how much they lost financially. Nothing to do with how their ex-wife treated them.

The difference is simple: the men who rise decide their internal opponent doesn't get to write the final round of their story.

THE MATCH YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU SIGNED UP FOR

Research from the American Psychological Association confirms what Anthony Robles demonstrated: self-doubt is the primary obstacle preventing people from attempting major life changes after significant setbacks. According to their studies on resilience and post-traumatic growth, individuals who overcome major life disruptions share one common trait—they learned to recognize negative self-talk as an opponent to be defeated, rather than truth to be accepted.

Dr. Martin Seligman's work at the University of Pennsylvania on learned optimism shows that our internal dialogue literally shapes our capacity to take action. When we accept defeatist thoughts as facts rather than recognizing them as challenges to overcome, we stop trying. We forfeit the match before the bell rings.

But here's what that research also shows: you can train yourself to fight back. Just like Anthony had to develop a completely unique wrestling style to compete without a leg, you can develop mental strategies to compete with the voice of doubt in your head.

When that voice says "You're too old," you can ask it: "Compared to what? Show me the rule that says men over 40 can't build extraordinary second chapters."

When it says "You've lost too much," you can challenge it: "Or have I been freed from what wasn't working?"

When it says "This is impossible," you can remind it: "So was a one-legged wrestler winning a national championship."

GOING THE DISTANCE

Anthony Robles won his championship in every training session where he showed up despite the voice telling him he couldn't compete. In every moment he chose to keep fighting instead of accepting the story that his limitation defined his ceiling. The final match was just the public display of a victory he'd already claimed internally.

Your championship will be won the same way. In the daily decision to step back onto the mat. To face your biggest opponent—that voice of doubt—and refuse to let it pin you down.

I'm not going to tell you the voice will go away. Mine still shows up. Years after rebuilding my life, it still whispers during moments of new challenges. But I've learned something Anthony Robles learned: that voice doesn't have to win. You can acknowledge it and still move forward.

Because here's the truth that voice doesn't want you to know: every man who's ever risen above circumstances that seemed insurmountable had to defeat the same opponent first. The voice of doubt is universal. What separates champions from everyone else is the refusal to let that voice be the referee.

So who are your "naysayers"? Is it the people around you? Or is it you?

Do you know where your inner champion is? If you don't, remember Anthony Robles standing on that championship podium, crutches under his arms, proving that the biggest limitations we face are the ones we accept in our own minds.

And if you do know where your inner champion is, then you know what to do.

Get back on the mat.