After my divorce, I lost my home when I was hit with child support payments of 50% of my take-home pay. This led me to become homeless. At one point, I was moving from place to place wherever I could go, with everything I owned packed in my car. I was moving places sometimes as much as daily, and often after no more than a week.

At one point, I wound up in a halfway house that a friend of a friend was using. The place was filthy, and was infested with roaches. One night, while making a call to a friend to vent, several roaches fell from the ceiling onto me and onto the bed I was sitting on. I felt repulsed, disgusted, angry and ashamed. I couldn't believe that as a grown man with a Master's degree, I was in this situation.

But here's what that moment taught me about trust: when roaches are literally raining down on you from the ceiling, you have to trust that you can handle whatever comes next. Because if you can survive that and keep moving forward, you can survive anything.

The Foundation You're Standing On

Research from the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage shows that men going through divorce often struggle with what psychologists call "decision avoidance"—when the fear of making another wrong choice becomes so overwhelming that you find yourself stuck in analysis mode, unable to commit to any direction. You keep gathering information, seeking more opinions, waiting for certainty that never comes while opportunities pass you by.

Your decision-making ability hasn't failed you. What's happening is that you're trying to make all future decisions based on avoiding past pain instead of moving toward future possibility. You're driving while only looking in the rearview mirror.

Start Building Your Evidence File

During my time in the Salvation Army homeless shelter—a place with bed bugs, insect infestation, sickness and disease—I started documenting proof of my capability. Every bill I paid on time? I wrote it down. Every commitment I kept? Documented. Every problem I solved? Recorded.

I was working full-time and was still in the shelter because of paying 50% of my take-home in child support. I was embarrassed, angry, frustrated because I did everything that people said I should do to be successful, including having a Master's degree. Yet I kept showing up. I kept delivering for my clients. I kept solving problems.

After six months, I had a physical file of overwhelming proof that I was a man who could be counted on, who could solve problems, who could deliver results even under extreme pressure. When my mind tried to tell me I was incompetent, I had objective data that said otherwise.

Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura's research on self-efficacy confirms this approach works. He found that "mastery experiences"—actual evidence of your capability—are the most powerful source of self-confidence. Not affirmations. Not visualization. Actual proof.

The Three-Level Trust System

Level 1: Decision Pattern Recognition

I identified patterns in my decision-making by reviewing my history. When I took time to thoroughly understand a situation before acting, my decisions were usually solid. When my choices aligned with my core values, I never regretted them, even if they were difficult. When I sought input from people whose judgment I respected, outcomes were consistently better.

I also identified destructive patterns: reactive decisions made in anger or fear were almost always wrong. Choices made primarily to avoid conflict or gain approval rarely served my long-term interests. When I tried to handle everything alone without input, I often missed crucial perspectives.

A study published in Psychological Science found that people who consciously identify their decision-making patterns and adjust accordingly show significant improvements in outcomes across multiple life domains.

Level 2: Intuition Calibration

Your gut instinct processes information faster than your conscious mind can analyze it. But divorce trauma can throw off your calibration.

I started small, testing my gut instincts on low-stakes decisions and tracking results. Should I take this route to work? Should I return this person's call today? Over time, I noticed my first instinct was right about 80% of the time when I was calm and centered, but only 40% when I was stressed or emotional.

This taught me to trust my intuition more when in a good headspace and seek additional input when not.

Level 3: The Trust Triangle

For evaluating opportunities, I developed what I call the "Trust Triangle":

Preparation: Have I done my homework? Do I understand what I'm getting into?

Alignment: Is this opportunity aligned with my values and long-term goals?

Recovery: If this doesn't work out, can I handle the consequences and bounce back?

If the answer to all three questions is yes, I have a framework for moving forward with confidence.

Trust Through Action, Not Certainty

The scariest decision I made post-divorce was investing time and limited money into building Inner Champion University while working other jobs just to survive. I was terrified. Who was I to think I could build something meaningful when I'd just lost everything?

But conversations with key people who saw something in me that I was struggling to see kept me focused. They reminded me that we all need support when stepping out on faith.

Research from the University of Pennsylvania's Positive Psychology Center shows that successful risk-taking comes from developing confidence in your ability to handle whatever happens next, not from eliminating uncertainty.

The decision to trust my vision over my circumstances, to trust that my mess could become my message, became the foundation for everything that followed.

Rebuilding Trust with Others

Divorce complicates your ability to trust others. I developed what I call the Trust Verification Process with four stages:

Stage 1: Basic Reliability - Do they show up when they say they will? Do they follow through on small commitments?

Stage 2: Character Assessment - How do they treat people who can't benefit them? What do they do when no one is watching?

Stage 3: Values Alignment - Are their actions consistent with their stated values? Do they make decisions based on principles or convenience?

Stage 4: Investment in Relationship - Do they invest time and energy in building the relationship? Do they show genuine interest in your well-being?

Only after someone demonstrates trustworthiness at all four stages do you give them access to the more vulnerable parts of your life.

The Faith Factor

I can't write about trust without addressing faith. For me, faith meant trusting that there was purpose to my pain, that lessons I was learning were preparing me for something greater than what I'd lost. It meant believing that if I kept doing the next right thing, even when I couldn't see the bigger picture, eventually the path would become clear.

Whether you call it God, the Universe, or just the natural flow of cause and effect, there's something larger than your individual will that influences outcomes. Faith means learning to work with that force instead of against it.

During my lowest points, I had a simple practice that kept me grounded: "Give me the strength to do what I can do, the wisdom to accept what I can't change, and the clarity to know the difference. Help me trust the process and stay focused on the next right step."

The View from Your Springboard

Trust gives you confidence to attempt the leap from where you are to where you want to be. Without it, you'll stay stuck beneath that rim, paralyzed by fear and doubt. With it, you have the foundation to attempt the seemingly impossible.

Every man who rises above his circumstances does so because he rebuilt trust in himself one decision at a time. Through accumulated evidence. By learning to trust his ability to recover from mistakes.

Your divorce shattered your confidence. That's natural and normal. But you don't need to wait until you "feel confident" to start rebuilding trust. You build trust by taking small, calculated risks and proving to yourself that you can handle whatever comes next.

The rim you're staring up at—those financial pressures, co-parenting challenges, questions about your worth and future—they're opportunities to practice trusting your ability to navigate uncertainty and come out stronger.

Your springboard is ready. Time to trust yourself enough to jump.