Years ago, I picked up a fantasy novel called "With a Tangled Skein" by Piers Anthony. Part of his Incarnations of Immortality series, it tells the story of Niobe—a young woman who loses everything when her husband is murdered as part of a devil's scheme. To fight back, she becomes Clotho, one of the three aspects of Fate, learning to weave the threads of human destiny itself.

The book stuck with me through the decades. Here's why: Niobe doesn't just accept what happened to her. She steps into power she never imagined possessing. And in Anthony's world, fate isn't some predetermined script nobody can change. The tapestry of life gets woven by ordinary people who suddenly find themselves holding extraordinary responsibility.

Sound familiar, brother?

When your marriage ended, you probably felt like someone else had cut your thread short. Like the life you'd been weaving for years suddenly got tangled up in knots you didn't create. Maybe you felt like you were living out someone else's story—the divorce court's story, your ex's story, your lawyer's story—everyone except your own.

Here's what I learned from both Niobe's journey and my own: You're not a passive thread in someone else's tapestry. You're one of the weavers. You always have been.

In Anthony's Incarnations series, ordinary mortals take on the offices of Death, Time, Fate, War, and Nature. They're thrust into positions of cosmic responsibility, usually right after their lives fall apart. They have to learn on the job. They make mistakes. They face down Satan himself, who loves nothing more than exploiting their inexperience and self-doubt.

Every single one of them has to answer the same question: Will I let my circumstances define me, or will I define how I respond to my circumstances?

You're facing that exact question right now.

The divorce handed you a set of threads you didn't choose. Your ex made decisions that tangled up the tapestry you'd been working on together. The courts measured out their judgments. Life circumstances cut short plans you'd made.

But here's the part they don't tell you: You still hold the shuttle. You're still weaving.

In "With a Tangled Skein," Niobe learns that being Fate doesn't mean controlling everything. It means understanding which threads she can influence and which ones are beyond her reach. She learns to work within the constraints while still creating something meaningful. When Satan tangles the threads deliberately to trap her family, she doesn't give up. She enters his maze. She solves his puzzles. She refuses to let his interference define the final pattern.

You've got your own maze to solve. Child support payments that make you wonder how you'll survive. A custody arrangement that feels like you're visiting your own kids instead of parenting them. An empty apartment that echoes with everything you lost. A dating world that looks nothing like the one you left decades ago.

These are your constraints. But constraints don't determine the pattern—they just define the frame you're working within.

I know this because I've been there. Standing in an empty apartment on Christmas morning while my daughters opened presents somewhere else. Sitting across from a mediator who seemed more interested in settling the case than understanding what was fair. Watching my bank account drain month after month, wondering if I'd ever get ahead again.

The courts had measured my thread and found it wanting. The system had woven a pattern where I barely fit. My ex had cut ties I thought would hold forever.

But I still had a shuttle in my hands. I could still weave.

So can you.

The Incarnations series explores a powerful idea: That we're all interconnected. That one person's choices ripple through the entire tapestry. That even cosmic offices filled by ordinary people can change the pattern of reality itself. Every incarnation in Anthony's books starts out overwhelmed, convinced they're not up to the task, certain they'll fail.

They all discover the same truth: The power was in them all along. They just had to learn how to use it.

That's where the 5 Steps to Power come in. Think of them as your training for the office you never asked for but now hold—the Incarnation of Your Own Life After Divorce.

Step 1: Self-Awareness—Learning Which Threads Are Yours

Niobe had to learn the difference between threads she could influence as Clotho and threads that belonged to other aspects of Fate. She had to understand her role, her limitations, and her unique power within the system.

You need that same clarity.

You can't control what your ex does. You can't rewind the clock and make different choices in your marriage. You can't force the courts to see things your way. Those threads are beyond your reach.

But you can control how you show up for your kids when you have them. You can control the man you become through this process. You can control whether you use this pain as fuel or let it consume you. You can control which connections you build and which ones you let go.

Self-awareness means seeing clearly which shuttle is in your hands and which ones aren't. Stop trying to weave with threads you don't control. Focus on the ones you do.

Step 2: Trust—Believing You Can Learn to Weave Again

When Niobe first became Clotho, she had to journey to the edge of the Void alone to gather the raw material for creating new souls. Terrifying work for someone just learning the office. But she learned to trust the process and her ability to handle it.

You're gathering raw material for your new life right now. Every day you wake up and face what divorce threw at you, you're collecting threads for what comes next. Every time you show up for your kids despite the pain, you're spinning something new. Every moment you refuse to let bitterness define you, you're preparing the loom.

Trust means keeping your hands on the shuttle even when you're uncertain what pattern will emerge. You keep weaving through the doubt, through the fear, through the moments when you can barely see two threads ahead.

Niobe learned to trust her instincts as Fate. You need to trust yours as the architect of your second act. You've survived everything life has thrown at you so far. The man who can endure what you've endured can learn to create something beautiful from these threads.

Step 3: Mindset Shift—Seeing the Tapestry From Above

Satan's whole game in the Incarnations series was keeping the new incarnations focused on their immediate problems so they couldn't see the bigger pattern. He'd create crises to distract them from his real schemes. He'd tangle one small section of the tapestry to hide what he was doing three moves ahead.

Divorce does the same thing to you. It keeps you focused on the immediate crisis—the bills, the court dates, the arguments, the logistics—so you can't see the bigger picture.

Your mindset shift happens when you step back and see what's really being woven here. You're becoming someone new in the second half of your life. You're building a legacy for your kids to inherit. You're discovering strength you never knew you had because you never needed it before. Survival matters, brother, but you came here to do more than just survive.

When Niobe finally saw Satan's full scheme, she realized every "accident" and "setback" had been part of a larger pattern. She stopped reacting to individual threads and started weaving with intention.

That's your shift. Stop reacting to every crisis as if it's random. Start seeing how this whole experience is shaping you into someone stronger, wiser, and more purposeful than you were before.

Step 4: Organization—Creating Your Weaving Patterns

In Anthony's books, the three Fates have a system. Clotho spins the thread from the Void. Lachesis measures and places each thread in the tapestry. Atropos cuts when the time comes. Without that organization, chaos would reign.

Your life needs the same structure. You're weaving multiple tapestries at once—your relationship with your kids, your career, your finances, your health, your future relationships. Without systems to manage them all, you'll get tangled up worse than Satan could ever manage.

Organization gives you patterns you can follow so you don't have to reinvent everything each day. When you know where each thread goes, you can focus on the weaving instead of constantly searching for what you need. Structure creates freedom. Systems create space for the creative work of building your new life.

Set up your co-parenting schedule and stick to it. Create a budget that reflects your new reality. Establish routines that give your days structure instead of leaving you adrift. Build systems that free up mental energy for the creative work of building your new life.

Step 5: Leveraging Connections—Weaving With Other Threads

Here's the most important theme in the entire Incarnations series: Nobody weaves alone. Every incarnation depends on the others. When Niobe needed help navigating Hell to rescue her son, she brought Mars (War) to supervise the contest. When she needed information, she called on Chronos (Time). When she needed protection, she turned to Thanatos (Death).

The incarnations were connected. Their threads intertwined. Their individual power multiplied when they worked together.

Brother, you need other threads in your tapestry. Other divorced men who understand what you're going through. Mentors who've already built successful second acts. Friends who'll tell you the truth when you're off track. Professionals who can help you navigate the legal and financial mazes.

You can't weave this new life in isolation. The threads of connection strengthen every pattern you create.

In Anthony's books, Satan always tried to isolate the incarnations. Keep them from working together. Make them doubt each other. Turn them against one another. Because he knew that together, they were far more powerful than the sum of their parts.

Don't let isolation be Satan's victory in your life. Reach out. Connect. Let other men's threads interweave with yours.

In "With a Tangled Skein," Niobe faced Satan in a maze of his own design. She had to solve his puzzles, navigate his traps, and ultimately beat him at his own game to save her son and granddaughter. She entered that maze feeling inadequate and inexperienced. She came out knowing she had the power all along.

Your divorce is the maze. But you're not the victim trapped inside it. You're the weaver who's learning to create beauty from tangled threads.

The shuttle is in your hands. The frame is set. The pattern is yours to create.

Time to weave something extraordinary.