Brother, I'm going to tell you something that might sting a little.

When you're standing in the wreckage of divorce at 40-something, staring at an empty bank account and an uncertain future, you're facing a battle that's been going on since the beginning of time. Trust vs. Doubt. Which one gets to drive your life from here?

I know because I've been exactly where you are. I've faced mornings where I couldn't see a way forward. Where fear was screaming so loud I couldn't hear anything else.

And I'm here to tell you: the patience you need to hold on through this storm comes from trust.

What Science Tells Us About Trust After Divorce

Here's something researchers have discovered that might surprise you: trust is essential for establishing stable and fulfilling romantic relationships between partners, and its development depends on many factors related to an individual's earlier experiences and relationship-related beliefs, according to a 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology examining trust in relationships.

But here's the part they don't put in bold letters in the research papers: when divorce shatters your trust, you're dealing with what psychologists call "attachment injury." Your ability to trust yourself, your judgment, your future—all of it gets compromised.

A 2025 systematic literature review published in the Journal of Family Therapy identified five key themes in trust repair: proactive transparency, active monitoring, remorse and accountability, along with consistent action and emotional reconnection.

Translation? Trust doesn't rebuild through grand gestures or promises. It rebuilds through small, consistent actions repeated over time.

The Diamond Covered in Mud

Here's what fear whispers in your ear when you're lying awake at 3 AM:

You'll never make it. The mud, dirt, ash, and blood that life has heaped on your diamond will not only keep others from seeing its sparkle—it'll keep you from seeing it too. That vision of your purposeful life? It won't manifest. You're damaged goods. Starting over at your age? Forget about it.

My fear told me all of that. Every single word.

But my trust told me something different. It told me that my diamond—my true self, my essence, whatever you want to call it—would shine for all to see. That I would live in my purpose and help others do the same. That the visions in my mind's eye would become tomorrow's reality.

The details of your battle are different from mine. Your circumstances are unique. But we're all fighting the same war: will we fight with the weapons of trust, or succumb to the demons of fear?

I chose to fight. More importantly, I choose to fight every single day.

The Conversation That Changed Everything

I was struggling. Hard. Questioning whether I'd made the right decision to leave steady employment and pursue my purpose full-time. The fear was overwhelming, especially in those quiet, dark nights when worries creep into your mind.

That's when I had a conversation with Dr. Diva Verdun, a dear friend who has often been the voice I needed to hear exactly when I needed to hear it.

I was sharing my anxieties—"Why did I do that? Shouldn't I have done that instead? How can I possibly make this work?"—when she stopped me cold.

She pointed out something I'd never noticed: look at the words "The Devil" and "Lived." Really look at them.

The Devil. Lived.

One is literally the reverse of the other.

That observation hit me like lightning. When you LIVE in your purpose, when you trust the process, you're literally reversing the power of everything that wants to destroy you. Fear is hypocritical when your gifts aren't about you—they're about the people waiting for you to take your leap of trust.

I wrote one of my most powerful poems, "The Devil & I Am," the next day, and I haven't looked back since.

Trust in the Darkness

You know those nights when you can't sleep? When it's quiet and dark in the house and your worries creep into your mind? When you get restless, toss and turn, and feel like you're drowning in uncertainty?

Here's what I learned to remember in those dark moments: help arrives at every turn.

Call it God. Call it the Universe. Call it whatever resonates with you. But there's something greater than your fear working in your life.

Every time I get to that point of restlessness and despair, help arrives. When I worry about how to inspire others, someone comes along and inspires me. When I reach a dead end and my mind stalls, someone takes me by the hand and shows me a new path. When I wonder what to say, someone speaks to me and triggers a chain of thoughts I know I didn't plant there.

Angels appear. And when you call them out, when you tell them you see them for who they are, they deny it. Humbly. And that's your proof.

What the Research Shows About Rebuilding Trust

Here's something powerful from a 2025 study on rebuilding trust after infidelity and betrayal: rebuilding trust is not through a single apology or quick fix, but rather a step-by-step process that values safety, understanding, and shared meaning.

Research from the Gottman Institute is clear: trust is built not through grand gestures, but instead through small, consistent actions. Daily check-ins. Following through on commitments. Being open about emotions and thoughts.

This applies whether you're rebuilding trust with your kids, with potential romantic partners, or—most importantly—with yourself.

Think about that last one. How often do you follow through on the commitments you make to yourself? How often do you check in with your own emotions and thoughts honestly?

Studies show that acknowledging the impact of your actions, showing genuine remorse, and following up with consistent behavior were key predictors of being able to repair trust, according to research examining trust repair mechanisms in relationships.

That means the trust you're rebuilding with yourself requires you to acknowledge where you went wrong, show yourself some grace, and then follow through consistently on becoming the man you know you can be.

The Battle You Fight Every Day

I'm typing this while I'm still in the middle of my decades-long battle. Trust vs. Doubt. Which one drives my life?

Some days, fear gets loud. Really loud.

Fear says I'll never have the means to live in my purpose. That I'm weak. That I cannot stand against the obstacles in my way. That all is pointless.

But here's what trust tells me: I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am already my most precious commodity, and I already have all that I need. My strength flows from something greater than myself. My actions will bear fruit too plentiful to count. I am part of something bigger than my individual struggle.

The Devil is "The Devil." But I Am is "Lived."

Read that again. Let it sink in.

When you live in trust instead of fear, you're literally reversing the power of everything that wants to destroy you.

The Truth About Trust

Here's what nobody tells you about rebuilding trust after divorce: it's a spiritual battle. It's a mental one. It's an emotional one.

You can't win it by having all the answers. You can't win it by being perfect. You can't win it by never falling down.

You win it by getting up one more time than you fall. By choosing trust one more time than you choose fear. By believing that your diamond will shine even when it's covered in mud.

I don't understand everything about how this works. I just know that it does. Every time I've trusted the process, even when I couldn't see the outcome, doors have opened. Help has arrived. Angels have appeared.

So tonight when you hit your bed, you can rest easy. Even in the darkness and quietness. Because you're not alone. You never were.

Your move, brother.

Will you choose to fight with the weapons of trust? Or will you let fear win?

The answer to that question determines everything that comes next.